from Entertainment Weekly

EW exclusive: God the Almighty dishes on his new memoir, Twitter page, and Justin Bieber

by Keith Staskiewicz

cosmosImage Credit: Mehau Kulyk/SPL/Getty Images

Sometimes as an entertainment journalist, you’ll get a great interview assignment, whether it’s Matt Damon or Michael Caine, but rarely are you offered a one-on-one with a figure so prestigious, so well-known, and with such staying power as I was recently. In order to promote His upcoming memoir from Simon & Schuster, as well as His recently launched Twitter page, the big cheese Himself, God, deigned to speak from the heavens directly into the ear of this humble servant of Time, Inc. (All right, he may have had some help from former executive producer of The Daily Show David Javerbaum.) Like many in my field, I’ve interviewed aliens before, but this is a totally different deal. Read our entire sacrilicious exchange below.

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: Why a memoir, and why now?
Lo, I grew weary of being misinterpreted, and blasphemed, and relegated to sneeze detail; and I longed to telleth all; and it was a matter of urgency, for on April 23, 2013, I shall bring about on Earth an event of such cataclysmic… well, ye will have to read the book.

Nice tease. And what other topics will Thee be addressing?
My topics shall include: The secret history of Adam and Steve; what it was like working with Moses, St. Peter, Mohammed, and other legends of the field; which sports teams I truly root for (hint: Go Blue Jackets!); and, because I can see everyone at all times, I will have much to offer by way of celebrity gossip. It will be in a section that I will call “God-sip”! Getteth it?

Like “gossip,” but with “God”?

It’s very clever.
I make this covenant with ye, Keith: This will be a juicier book of revelations than any since The Book of Revelation.

Literarily speaking, who are your influences?
Aesop, The Brothers Grimm, Hans Christian Andersen, and James Frey.

[ click to continue this conversation with God at ]