By James Frey
Dare to dream. When I was a little kid, I used to hear it all the time. Dare to dream. You can be a lawyer or a doctor or even the President of the United States. I dared to dream. And I became me. Hahahahahaha.
Sometimes though, if you dare to dream, things can work out beautifully. I dared to dream of double digit episodes of the Fabulaous Beekman Boys. And motherfuckers, it came true. We’re on episode 10. Woohoo, woohoo. Episode 10!!! As usual, the goat scale will be used.<
Tension in the relationship. Josh lives in the city making the money. Brent lives on the farm making the soap and the cheese. Tension isn’t fun. Working isn’t fun. Two goats.
Brent gives us his relationship philosophy. Let your partner think they have a say, but they really don’t. I think Brent might be Lex Luther. I like Lex Luther. Four goats.
Brent wants to open a store. Josh is skeptical. Brent shows him the site. It’s mess. Josh is more skeptical. Brent is a force that cannot be stopped. If you try, you get turned into one of his bars of soap. Josh intelligently relents. Because I like Brent’s relentlessness, five goats.
Brent goes to open a soap shop across the street from his soapmakers soap shop. He goes to talk to her about it. It looks like it is going to go poorly. Cut to commercials. Perfect editing. Cut back. It’s tense as fuck. She’s actually not mad. Awesome sequence. I was almost shaking. Four goats.
Farmer John brings the goats out into the spring air. The goats go crazy. They roll around in the grass and make noise. Even Pokey, the annoying llama is in a good mood. When I was younger, I rolled around in the grass and made noise. It was fun. And it put me in a good mood too. Four goats.
Brent cleans out the new store, preps it for the opening. Looks like awful work. Fuck that. One goat.
Josh is in a good mood. Spring has arrived. Brent wants him to work at the store. Josh wants to grow potatoes. Me, I’d rather sit on the porch and read a book. Two goats.
Josh gives tutorial on planting potatoes. It’s interesting. I’d still rather be on the porch. Two goats.
We hear the story of Josh and Brent meeting. Online chats, picture exchange, Chinese food in NYC. Very cute. Very 21st Century. Four goats.
Josh gives relationship advice. When partner is in a bad mood, put them in a worse mood so they are forced to get into a better mood. This is some Machiavellian shit going down with these dudes. I sort of dig it. Four goats.
Brent surprises Josh on their anniversary by coming into the city. Surprises are great. They are great great great. Four goats.
Brent takes Josh to lunch and tells him they aren’t making enough money to quit his job. Josh is pretty upset. He gives a great speech about how we move through life. He cries. Actually a really moving moment. Four goats.
Brent gives store philosophy. He sounds like Martha Stewart so I almost immediately tune him out. One goat.
Store opens. All nine of the people who live in their town show up. They give a nice funny speech. The store looks great. Four goats.
Josh gives another speech after none of the locals buy anything, and after a few glasses of champagne. He cries again. Man, that Josh is a sweet dude who likes to cry. We need more of those in the world. Five goats.
Total number of categories: 15
Total number of goats: 48
Average number of goats: 3.2
Looks like I’m moving.