from the Village Voice
MICHAEL MUSTO as LINDSAY LOHAN as MARILYN MONROE
. . . in ‘The Ultimate Re-Vamping’
by Michael Musto
March 4th, 2008 12:00 AM
Heath Ledger died in the nude, but most of today’s young female stars live in the nude, albeit while teetering on the precipice of oblivion and trying to join him there. Whereas yesterday’s sexpot Jane Fonda had to apologize just for saying the word cunt, most of these refreshingly shameless bimbettes are only sorry when you can’t see theirs, even if the exposed pubes give the lie to their natural blondeness.
Making the world their gynecologist in the tradition of sex bombs from Marilyn Monroe to Madonna, the Britneys and Parises have never been able to resist the chance to do intimate sex tapes that accidentally leak out to the entire populace or to create panty-less car-exiting shots that paparazzi just happen to catch from smack up-close between the kneecaps. Flaunting what they’ve got and pretending it’s an accident, the tartlets have long turned spreading their legs into career moves, using their fertile crescents as cash registers, even while making us believe they’re really just “singing,” “acting,” or “promoting my perfume.” They’re wily about their guilelessness and clever about their clotheslessness. Beating Paris at her own game, Britney even had a completely naked head for a while! Of course it all started with Marilyn, and Lindsay Lohan—or at least her publicist—seems to have gotten that memo. In lieu of community service, Lindsay recently paid some boobalicious homage to Marilyn’s famous Bert Stern spread, titting it up in New York magazine with a string of pearls, swatches of chiffon, and some colorful fake flowers, all helping to shine spotlights on her very real dumplings flapping around like they probably did in the rehab bathroom. Some dummo actually thought this would be a good move for the career-challenged-at-21 starlet—and honey, it was!