{"id":3078,"date":"2011-08-01T16:43:08","date_gmt":"2011-08-01T23:43:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/bigjimindustries.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/2011\/08\/if-edgar-allan-poe-wrote-amazon-reviews\/"},"modified":"2011-08-05T16:59:15","modified_gmt":"2011-08-05T23:59:15","slug":"if-edgar-allan-poe-wrote-amazon-reviews","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bigjimindustries.com\/wordpress\/2011\/08\/01\/if-edgar-allan-poe-wrote-amazon-reviews\/","title":{"rendered":"If Edgar Allan Poe Wrote Amazon Reviews"},"content":{"rendered":"

from Amazon.com<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

Customer Review<\/p>\n

5,715 of 5,819 people found the following review helpful:<\/p>\n

\"5.0\u00a0<\/span>Make this your only stock and store<\/strong>,\u00a0July 8, 2008<\/nobr><\/p>\n

By Edgar<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

Once upon a mid-day sunny, while I savored Nuts ‘N Honey,
\nWith my Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 gal, 128 fl. oz., I swore
\nAs I went on with my lapping, suddenly there came a tapping,
\nAs of some one gently rapping, rapping at the icebox door.
\n‘Bad condensor, that,’ I muttered, ‘vibrating the icebox door –
\nOnly this, and nothing more.’<\/p>\n

Not to sound like a complainer, but, in an inept half-gainer,
\nI provoked my bowl to tip and spill its contents on the floor.
\nStupefied, I came to muddle over that increasing puddle,
\nBurgeoning deluge of that which I at present do adore –
\nSnowy Tuscan wholesomeness exclusively produced offshore –
\nPurg’ed here for evermore.<\/p>\n

And the pool so white and silky, filled me with a sense of milky
\nArdor of the type fantastic of a loss not known before,
\nSo that now, to still the throbbing of my heart, while gently sobbing,
\nI retreated, heading straightway for the tempting icebox door –
\nHeedless of that pitter-patter tapping at the icebox door –
\nI resolved to have some more.<\/p>\n

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
\n‘This,’ said I, ‘requires an extra dram of milk, my favorite pour.’
\nTo the icebox I aspired, motivated to admire
\nHow its avocado pigment complemented my decor.
\nThen I grasped its woodgrain handle – here I opened wide the door; –
\nDarkness there, and nothing more.<\/p>\n

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
\nDoubting, dreaming dreams of Tuscans I had known before
\nBut the light inside was broken, and the darkness gave no token,
\nAnd the only words there spoken were my whispered words, ‘No more!’
\nCoke and beer, some ketchup I set eyes on, and an apple core –
\nMerely this and nothing more.<\/p>\n

Back toward the table turning, all my soul within me burning,
\nSoon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
\n‘Surely,’ said I, ‘surely that is something at my window lattice;
\nLet me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore –
\nLet my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; –
\n‘Tis the wind and nothing more!’<\/p>\n

From the window came a stirring, then, with an incessant purring,
\nInside stepped a kitten; mannerlessly did she me ignore.
\nNot the least obeisance made she; not a minute stopped or stayed she;
\nBut, with mien of lord or lady, withdrew to my dining floor –
\nPounced upon the pool of Tuscan spreading o’er my dining floor –
\nLicked, and lapped, and supped some more.<\/p>\n

Then this tiny cat beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
\nBy the grand enthusiasm of the countenance she wore,
\nToward the mess she showed no pity, ’til I said, ‘Well, hello, kitty!’
\nSought she me with pretty eyes that seemed to open some rapport.
\nSo I pleaded, ‘Tell me, tell me what it is that you implore!’
\nQuoth the kitten, ‘Get some more.’<\/p>\n

[ click to read at Amazon.com<\/a> ]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

from Amazon.com Customer Review 5,715 of 5,819 people found the following review helpful: \u00a0Make this your only stock and store,\u00a0July 8, 2008 By Edgar Once upon a mid-day sunny, while I savored Nuts ‘N Honey, With my Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 gal, 128 fl. oz., I swore As I went on with my lapping, suddenly […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":26,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3078","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-mirth"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bigjimindustries.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3078","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bigjimindustries.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bigjimindustries.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bigjimindustries.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/26"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bigjimindustries.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3078"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bigjimindustries.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3078\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bigjimindustries.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3078"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bigjimindustries.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3078"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bigjimindustries.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3078"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}