{"id":2808,"date":"2011-03-08T11:58:34","date_gmt":"2011-03-08T18:58:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/bigjimindustries.com\/wordpress\/index.php\/2011\/03\/you-smell-sir\/"},"modified":"2011-03-10T13:07:33","modified_gmt":"2011-03-10T20:07:33","slug":"you-smell-sir","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bigjimindustries.com\/wordpress\/2011\/03\/08\/you-smell-sir\/","title":{"rendered":"You Smell, Sir"},"content":{"rendered":"

from SF Weekly<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

This Is Why Your Used Bookstore Clerk Hates You<\/h1>\n

By\u00a0Michael Leaverton<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n
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\u200bAlthough bookstore workers love their customers, or are at least morally obligated to, sometimes the love is so great it turns murderous. Ever tried to finish all-you-can-eat coconut shrimp? That’s the love we’re dealing with here. Although your narrator worked at a used bookstore just outside of the city more than a decade ago, he shut his eyes tight, remembered three years of Fat Slice Pizza, and relived some moments of quiet desperation.<\/p>\n

You Stole All Our Bukowski<\/strong>
\nIt’s hard to keep Bukowski on the shelf when he keeps getting stuffed in the pants of street punks when no one is looking (but we are looking!). Although punks love him (he’s so easy to read) so does the staff (Hank worked a menial job for years, drank an eternity, and\u00a0still<\/em>ended up famous). He provides hope for apprentice alcoholics who are going to start writing sometime tomorrow or Thursday for sure. If you do steal him, please sell him back to us when you’re finished.<\/a><\/p>\n

You’re Spending Too Much Time in the Erotica Section<\/strong>
\nHuh, and you’re totally and creepily not moving.<\/p>\n

You Camp Out in the Self-Help Section<\/strong>
\nWhat is it about the self-help section that attracts people who take off their shoes and eat fruit salad right in the stacks? Or what is it that\u00a0doesn’t<\/em>\u00a0attract them, amirite? Though we don’t mind you blocking the aisle, making your little piles of books and scribbling action items in your notepads (this means we can avoid the section), at least tidy up when you’re finished for the night. This goes for everyone in the spiritualism section, too. See you all tomorrow.<\/p>\n

You’re Asleep<\/strong>
\nYou know that’s weird, right? Barnes & Noble may have the square footage to stock recliners, but used bookstores don’t. Used bookstores use their space to sell books. Ever notice how much empty air a superbookstore contains that could be going to books? Of course you don’t, because you’re\u00a0asleep<\/em>\u00a0on our\u00a0footstool<\/em>.<\/p>\n

You Were Our Favorite English Professor<\/strong>
\nOh look, it’s the bastard who inspired us to skip a useful degree for one in contemporary American fiction, here to again dash through the store with a comely grad student in tow and witness, once again, how well we are doing with our crack alphabetization. Looking for Simone de Beauvoir’s\u00a0The Second Sex<\/em>? Try the\u00a0D<\/em>s. College!<\/p>\n

[\u00a0click to continue reading at SFWeekly.com<\/a>\u00a0]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

from SF Weekly This Is Why Your Used Bookstore Clerk Hates You By\u00a0Michael Leaverton \u200bAlthough bookstore workers love their customers, or are at least morally obligated to, sometimes the love is so great it turns murderous. Ever tried to finish all-you-can-eat coconut shrimp? That’s the love we’re dealing with here. Although your narrator worked at […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":26,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[3,4,6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2808","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-culture-art","category-literary-news","category-mirth"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bigjimindustries.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2808","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bigjimindustries.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bigjimindustries.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bigjimindustries.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/26"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bigjimindustries.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2808"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bigjimindustries.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2808\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bigjimindustries.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2808"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bigjimindustries.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2808"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bigjimindustries.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2808"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}