An elderly gent was invited to an old friends home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.

While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over to his host, ‘I think it’s wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names’.

The old man hung his head. ‘I have to tell you the truth,’ he said, ‘Her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago, and I’m scared to death to ask the cranky old bitch what her name is.’

from the AP

Cops: Woman takes kneeling woman’s cash in church

WESTBURY, N.Y. (AP) — Nassau County police said a congregant at a Long Island church disregarded at least one of its commandments: Thou shalt not steal. Police said the 46-year-old woman reached over a pew and took cash from a purse while its owner knelt Sunday at Our Lady of Hope Roman Catholic Church in Westbury. Police said an usher saw the theft, and officers stopped the woman as she left the church.

Police said they determined the same woman stole cash from another worshipper’s purse while that victim took communion May 10.

[ click to continue reading at AP ]

from WPIX

Residents Wage War On Noisy Bar With Panties

Neighbors of the popular Cooper Square Hotel in the East Village are frustrated and raising a “lingerie line of defense.”

By ANDREW RAMOSwpix.com

1:20 PM EDT, June 17, 2009

EAST VILLAGE, N.Y. (WPIX) - There are several ways of dealing with noisy neighbors. While many resort to calling the police, others turn to soiled panties for help. Yes, soiled panties.

That seems to be the situation in the East Village, where many frustrated residents are hanging their dirty unmentionables on a clothes line that serves as the view for the popular, outdoor bar at the Cooper Square Hotel.

According to several reports made by nearby residents, the noise that emanates from the neighboring bar has caused many sleepless nights for residents in the area - as first reported by 1010WINS.

The residents have formed a panty coalition, stringing up soiled panties, briefs, bras, - and even some ginormous granny panties - in plain view of the bar, sending a clear message to patrons that not only do people live in those neighboring apartments, but they also need to do laundry.

[ click to continue reading at WPIX ]

from Dr Drew… 

from The Times South Africa

from The Sun

Rude roof on Google Earth

CHEEKY pupils used bricks to spell out “C**K” on their school roof - and it was spotted from space.

The stunt, by school leavers, was unnoticed for years until the bricks were captured by mapping website Google Earth.

Now head Gordon Ironside is having them removed from Sutton Grammar School, Surrey.

[ click to read at The Sun ]

from Coudal Partners via MediaBistro

A QUICK CONTEST FROM WHERE WE DO OUR BEST THINKING

Booking Bands

The walls in the washroom at our studio are all chalkboards. It was Susan’s idea and after she spent a weekend painting them up, not much happened. An occasional drawing or joke was added, a visiting courier might leave a crude message or one of Jim’s kids would draw a puppy or write something unintelligible. Lately, however, we’ve taken to using that forum for a series of wordplay games and the current one is pretty fun. The idea is to mash up the name of a book with the name of a band.

Here’s a few of our examples to get you started:

The Things They Might Be Giants Carried*
The Who Moved My Cheese*
The Old Man and The Sea and Cake*
Charlie Daniels and the Chocolate Factory*
Catch 182*
Horton Hears a Hoobastank*
Of Mice and Men at Work*
Bare Naked Lunch Ladies*
The Agony and the XTC*

JAMES FREY? WASN’T HE IN THE EAGLES?

A Million Little Pixies (Aaron Kelly)
A Million Little Feat Pieces (Jim Sheeran)
A Million Little Richards (Brian Braiker)
A Million Little Peaches and Herb (Robert Hofheimer)
My Friend Lynrd Skynrd (Daniel Pink)
My Friend Leonard Cohen (Jamie Stolarski)

(I am TOTALLY dismayed that no one got “A Marillion Little Pieces*” or “My Friend Len”)

Charles Dickens’ not-so-slim pickens

The Pickwick pAperchAse (Cy Culpin)
Nickolas Nickelback (Joshua Johnson)
Oliver Twisted Sister (Joshua Johnson)
Nicholas Nickelbee Gees (Jim Sheeran)
A Christmas Carole King (Tracie Bedell)
A Christmas Carole King Lear (John Upchurch)
A Christmas Carol Channing (Meredith Payne)
David Gray Copperfield (Troy Kukes)
Bleak Housemartins (Tom Ward)
A Tale of Two Bay City Rollers (Tim Carvell)
A Tale of U2 Cities (Jessica Sheeran)
Great White Expectations (John Boeckmann)

[ click to read full list at coudal.com or MediaBistro ]

thanks to E Whitney @ FB

From an interview Jim Rome did with Evel Knievel in the late 90s:

Jim Rome: So what did you think your chances [of jumping the Snake River Canyon on a rocket-powered bike] were?

Evel Knievel: Fifty-fifty.

Jim Rome: Fifty-fifty?

Evel Knievel: Fifty-fifty. The rocket had been designed by Bob Truax Jr., an egotistical know-it-all little bastard who was one of the engineers at NASA who was there when they burned Gus Grissom to death on the launch pad. He built the parachute so that it absolutely would fail under the G-load. But the way I see it: If I had made it, no one would’ve cared. If I’d died, they would’ve said, “Well that’s what’s supposed to happen to daredevils.” Here it is thirty years later and I don’t see no bunch of Daredevils lining up to take a shot at it.

Jim Rome: So if you had a fifty-fifty chance, a coin-flip’s chance to survive, why did you do it?

[five second pause]

Evel Knievel: Do you know who the hell I am?

The Greatest Collar Ever

from WREG TV Memphis

Bad Mask Gives Former Employee Away As KFC Robber

Candace McCowan

(Memphis 5/25/09) It all started shortly after 8 a.m. on Saturday when KFC employee Laketa Hollowell heard a knock on the back door of the business. Hollowell told the person to go to the front door where she opened the door. That’s when a masked man armed with a knife confronted Hollowell and demanded she open the safe.

Hollowell took a long hard look at the suspect. And even though he was wearing a mask, it was large eyeholes in his mask that gave him away.

Police say Hollowell recognized the suspect as 18-year-old Ezederick Jones. Jones had just been fired from the same KFC the day before. The affidavit says Hollowell began to fight with the suspect and he cut her hand. And when she called him by his name, he took off.

She called police and they later located the suspect and brought him back the scene, where Hollowell identified Jones again, as the man who just held her up at knife point.

He’s now behind bars facing charges of aggravated armed robbery, being held on a $75,000 bond.

[ click to read at WREG.com ]