Dude, Where’s My Schlong?
A Coral Gables man loses his penis and fights back in court
By Gus Garcia-Roberts
Medical malpractice litigation tends to put a price on human body parts. Got your spleen punctured during a messy surgery? Here’s a few thousand for your pain and suffering. Lost a big toe? That’s six-figure territory. A recklessly amputated arm might net you a million bucks.
We may soon find out what a penis is worth.
Behold the plight of 62-year-old Coral Gables resident Enrique Millas. All the poor guy ever wanted to do was have sex with his wife of 25 years, Gloria. But he couldn’t. So he went to local penis guru Paul E. Perito, a urologist who touts himself as a national leader in penile implant surgery. And here our story swerves into Saw-caliber horror territory.
Even when everything goes right, Perito’s surgery is not for the faint of heart. The penile implant is a bendable silicone rod that looks something like an orchestra conductor’s baton. After the operation, which involves stitches, “swelling,” and “bruising,” according to the doctor’s website, patients “should keep their penis against the abdomen for three days with the supplied scrotal support.” The patient will never be flaccid again — even at Thanksgiving dinner: “The implant leaves the penis in the erect state at all times, and the patient positions the penis for his comfort or activity.”
Anybody else having flashbacks to eighth-grade history class?
Millas’s surgery did not go well. His penis became gangrenous, and after thwarted surgeries to save it, Perito removed the battered organ.